Cowboys and Aliens and Lame Movie Titles

Directed By: Jon Favreau
Produced By: Brian Grazer, Ron Howard, Steven Spielberg
Starring: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde
Written By: Damon Lindelof, Roberto Orci, Robert Kurtzman
Based On Cowboys & Aliens by Scott Mitchell Rosenberg
Music By: Harry Gregson-Williams
Edited By: Dan Lebental

Distributed By: Dreamworks Pictures and Universal Pictures
Runtime: 118 minutes
Budget: $163 million

So there is this Scottish saying that I have found so much truth in and is basic how I follow everyday of my life. “If you think that you are going to be kicked in the balls but all you get is a slap in the face, then that was a good day.” This was my mind set going into Cowboys and Aliens last Friday night. The trailer looked like crap, the concept is very prole, as is the title, and the only reason that anyone is going to see this lame attempt at an action movie is Daniel Craig’s baby blues. Yes, a movie marketed solely on one man’s beautiful sky blue eyes. And yes, I too, from time to time, get lost in those windows to crystal clear oceans above his noise. But I don’t think that they are worth a ten dollar ticket.And I am pretty sure that the makers of Cowboys and Aliens thought of that. For if the off chance that some people might not care for those orbs of peaceful bliss, they have Harrison Ford play opposites of an ophthalmologist’s wettest dream. I have no problem with Harrison Ford, he was in a couple of good movies, (understatement) but dudes get old. And yea he throws like one good punch and does a lot of talking but that’s about it. And as for talking, like they only let Daniel Craig speak in four word increments. And yea it adds a little to the “I can’t remember anything, take no crap, bad ass, tough guy” that his character is but if you are going to play an American character you have to learn how to speak like one. But the less he says, the more time I get to do backstrokes in lake of love right below his eyebrows.

As for this being an action movie, yea I guess either I am just getting older and not really caring about the same old fight scenes or they are just not trying anymore. The few action scenes that they did have were the same old boring fight scenes that you can pretty much see in any other movie. Yea things blow up, but what movie doesn’t have things blowing up? I have seen cowboys fight, I have seen Aliens fight and I have seen Man vs Alien fight so nothing new in the action department.

As for a story, well there was a beginning, a middle, and a end. But there was no massage, no point. It was just a group of cowboys fighting a group of Aliens. Yea there was a little back story but nothing that you could not see coming. This was a movie, not a film.

The only reason that I guess anyone would see this movie is if they did not want to think to hard for about two hours and had like ten bucks to waste on a crappy summer semi action movie. But hey, Daniel Craig’s eyes do look amazing on the big screen.

4/10

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